It's hard to see her growth when I'm with her every day. Pictures and visitors remind me she certainly is growing.
Some days I wish we had a discipleship chart. Something that showed how I was becoming more like Jesus. Something that measured how loving, patient and kind I was...or how poorly I was doing with self-control, gossip and pride.
I experience a kind of restlessness when I think of my growth as a disciple. Am I becoming a better disciple of Jesus Christ? Am I really helping to make new disciples? It's difficult to take a step back and see where I'm really growing. Maybe someone who knew me years ago could see a difference. I'd love to wake up in the morning, plug my heart into a machine and a chart would tell me the 2-3 things I could really use some work on that day. Maybe I'd see that I did a decent job loving strangers the day before but I could stand to show more patience to a friend.
Or maybe this is my all too human mind wanting to quantify, systematize and organize growth so I have something to show for my effort. And maybe, just maybe...I've missed the whole point of following Jesus.