Skip to main content

Do you let God ruin you?

We're reading Same Kind of Different as Me for lead team. I finished it yesterday and it's one of those books that clutches your heart and will not let go. Tears were streaming down my face as I felt their pain in very real ways. It brought up feelings in me that I usually try to push down...intense fear of my loved ones dying, not being sure what my life is about, judging people...

It was made more intense than usual since Aaron and I were in the middle of a day without internet & computers. I had a lot of time to sit around, read and think. Earlier in the morning I read a chapter from Craig Goeschel's IT book. It was about praying these three prayers every morning. Ask God to stretch me, ruin me & heal me. The ruin me prayer is unique because we're not asking God to destroy us. But we're asking God to break down the walls we put up. We're asking God to break our hearts with the things that break God's heart.

So while tears streamed down my face as a character battled cancer, I just let it happen. I let myself feel the pain and horror of watching a person so deeply in love with God and her family fade away.

Then I went to our Saturday night service to hear Duane talk about our fears and specifically this week - Fear of the Economy. God spoke through him right to my heart. Why do we lull ourselves into thinking life should be great, wonderful and happy all the time? There WILL be pain & horrible days. Yet we're shocked and surprised when those days hit and we feel far from God.

When you experience communion a lot, it's sometimes hard to fully experience what it means. Last night was one of those nights I have never wanted it more. I've never wanted the peace only God can give me so much. An unsteady heart is awkward to live with. Nothing feels right.

How long has it been since you've let God ruin you?


Anonymous said…
beautiful post, J. We all need to let God ruin us more often, I think. Thanks for the thoughts.

Most Read

Why Some Experienced Clergy (and Lay People) Have a Hard Time When Younger Clergy Take Renewal Leave

This is a guest post from my very own dad! He's a United Methodist pastor serving in Bend, Oregon. I enjoy chatting church leadership with my dad and it's fascinating to see how our generational differences bring different perspectives to our calling as pastor. We need each generation to walk with each other as we figure it out in this new world. We've been reflecting lately as I finished up a renewal leave and he prepares to retire this June. 
By David Beckett
I fall into the category of experienced clergy which is a polite way of saying I am old. I’ve been pastoring for nearly 40 years. When I was a young pastor my role models were mostly white males who presented an image of success that equated with dedication, overwork, and sacrifice. My first senior pastor talked about the 20 hr/wk he invested in sermon preparation. And he expected his staff to work beyond their stated hours. During those three years of full time seminary and a large youth group I put in up to 80 hr/…

Why pastors need collaboration, not competition

There's competition in every industry. Some get promoted over others. Some work incredibly hard but their gifts go unnoticed. Others do good work and people assume they're fine but underneath, they feel like they could never be honest about how hard life is in this season. People spend more energy figuring out how they measure up in a work culture instead of doing the actual work.

Competition itself implies there are two sides.

I remember field days at my elementary school in Alaska. The half-frozen spring ground was covered with clumps of dirty gray snow. Jackets were thrown on the ground as the fourth graders tried to beat the fifth graders at tug of war. Rope burns were shrugged off as sweat dripped down our young faces. We were determined to beat those fifth graders. Our pride was on the line.

Whether you're a fourth grader or an ad manager at a fancy marketing agency or a senator trying out for attorney general, competition runs deep in our DNA.

We want to be the bes…

Why I stay in the United Methodist Church

We can't ignore the numbers. The United Methodist Church is in decline. Many ask, "Why do you stay? Denominations are useless these days."

But I face that reality with overwhelming hope and excitement. I see the Holy Spirit weaving its way through our current & new leadership in ways I've only dreamed of. A couple years ago, I thought about leaving. But I decided to ask some hard questions about why we're in decline. And that journey to the heart of the United Methodist movement has lit a fire in me to see it renewed.

Why I Stay...

1. Our faith is active. We get our hands and hearts dirty in service & relationships.
2. Every United Methodist church is connected through a network of gatherings, prayer, service, money, agencies and leadership. I would never want to serve in building God's kingdom by myself.
3. I see God changing hearts and lives every. single. day.
4. I am fascinated by our founder who's only intention was to create a renewal movement ins…