Busyness can destroy our identity as a child of God

More thoughts from Running on Empty: A Contemplative Spirituality for Overachievers.

Noise and words and frenzied, hectic schedules dull our senses, closing our ears to His still, small voice and making us numb to His touch. - Charles Swindoll

• Life was filled with doing things for God rather than pursuing intimacy with God. I had perfected busyness but failed miserably at stillness.
• I could talk easily with others about Jesus, but I knew nothing about how to sit still long enough for Jesus to talk with me
• We quickly learn that ceaseless activity earns us tremendous praise
• On the surface you appear like a swan graciously gliding along, but beneath the surface you're paddling like a man possessed to get ahead

If I had set out to destroy my identity as a beloved child of God, I couldn't have done better than living in America at the start of the 21st century. The greatest threats I've encountered are not the arguments of skeptics or the lure of drink, drugs, or sex. The greatest treats are the constant busyness and frantic hurry that demand my allegiance.

• Living now in a world that never seems to stop for rest, much less slow down, raises my anxiety level. I feel as if I've left something undone.

Several decades ago futurists predicted the arrival of the "leisure society," a world that would demand less work. Testimony before Senate subcommittees in the 1960s forecast that new technology would speed up the work process so much that people would soon be dealing with the "problem" of extra free time. Americans would wonder what to do with all their newfound freedom. Sadly, the futurists were wrong. Greater efficiency has pushed us to use our time for more productivity and more work. Instead of becoming the leisure society, we've become the most driven, most stressed-out society in history.

Running on Empty: Contemplative Spirituality for Overachievers

I picked up this book last weekend. I read the first couple pages and thought immediately of several friends who'd love this book. I emailed one of them and she had bought the book somewhere else that weekend too!

I'll share some notes over the next couple days. It's been a transformational book for me.

• Many of us have been hooked on approval since infancy
• Emotions that are not expressed cannot be fixed
• In contemplation we return to our naked, poor self and discover who we are apart from the role we play
• When we take ourselves too seriously, we identify with image, with what we think we are, with our reputation and the applause and compliments of others. Silent solitude liberates the pray-er from the tyranny of the approval and disapproval of others.
• Breakdowns often lead to breakthroughs
• Do we value the approval of God more than the approval of others?

Someone told the author: "You seem dreadfully close to losing touch with the Jesus you so desperately want others to know."

This book comes at a good time for me. I do not feel burned out in any way. But I am an overachiever. It's been life changing for me to reflect in the past week that God will love me whether I "fail" or "achieve." Seems simple. We always say God loves you, no matter what.

But it's extremely easy to stop believing it.

Especially when everyone else measures success a different way.

And our human relationships struggle to imitate truly unconditional love.

NYWC - Donald Miller on Story

Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz and A Million Miles

A movie was made out of Blue Like Jazz which was about his life - the screenwriters told him his life was boring - and Don realized they were right - he learned a lot while making this movie...

• Every story is about a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it
• We approach the Bible looking for what we can get out of it, not simply getting to know God
• A perfect character in a story makes people uncomfortable
• To tell a good story: the character has to sacrifice of themselves for other people
• We think if we succeed, our story/life will matter
• But story teaches us that's not true - we must sacrifice of ourselves
• A character is that they do, not what we wished we were, or what we want
• All about their actions
• We have to want something
• A character must be clear on what they want of they're pulled from the film
• If we want things that aren't important, our story won't be important
• Every great story has to have conflict
• By staying safe and not moving forward into conflict, our stories/lives are uninteresting
• God intends there to be conflict in life

Conflict

• Only way a character changes is through conflict
• Only way they get better is through pain, not joy
• Our stories are uninspired & boring if we avoid conflict
• The true great character dives into conflict
• Act 3 climax: one action makes everything okay
• There's no climax in our human experience - no point where the conflict ends
• As Christians, we're taught that there's a hole in our soul that only God can fill
• It's not true
• That says Jesus is the act 3 climax that will make the conflict go away
• Not true
• We got this idea from 3,000 commercials a day that instant gratification is possible
• We turned Jesus into a product
• The Act 3 climax in Scripture is at the wedding feast of the lamb - after we die
• In life, we're in the middle of act 2, right in the middle of conflict
• "I've learned the secret of being content...hope that will be revealed"

Other Thoughts

• The Danish are the happiest people on earth - they have low expectations
• We go on such an emotional roller coaster in life
• "This will fix my life, I'm so excited" and then it doesn't work
• Contentment is our goal - being emotionally even-keeled
• The number one way we understand stories is through each other (not always music & movies)
• Conflict doesn't mean God hates you
• Many of the reasons we're depressed are because we think we can get to a climax and it always falls short

Addressing conflict in the church & youth ministry

• Don't jump into conflict unless it has to do with your story/life
• Biblical wisdom on confronting authority
• The fall of man happened...and it happened to the church too
• Don't create conflict for the sake of conflict
• Be very discerning in the conflict you enter into

Don is very passionate about helping the fatherless generation

• Where's the answer to this generation with absent fathers?
• In a wide survey, people were given the choice of government, schools, etc.
• 85% chose the church
• 70% atheists chose the church

NYWC - Managing Your Ministry

Managing Your Ministry - Ginny Olson

God was an organizer - water, sky, day, night Sabbath

Mess = lack of order

Who spends more time looking for things? Messy or neat people? == Neat people because they store things out of sight

When you don't have a clear mission/vision, the team all thinks they're going the right direction

General Planning

1. Choose a system - physical or digital calendar

2. Short-range planning

• Take 15-30 minutes at start of the week to plan out your week
• Review unfinished work from previous week
• Review upcoming calendar

3. Sanity-saving tip

• Don't open your email for the first hour of the day
• Otherwise you immediately have little things coming at you
• Instead, start your day working on a project, you'll feel accomplished and feed off that productivity the rest of the day

4. Prioritize

• A = Critical, must get done today
• B = Important, but not due today
• C = Unncessary
• We spend most of our time doing unnecessary things

5. We get nibbled to death by...

• Emails & texts
• Crisis situations
• Junk mail
• Lack of a good filing system
• Talking with people too much

• Use the "away from office" function in your email when you're gone
• Change your voicemail often, say when you'll check it next
• Get out of your office a day each week for prayer, planning, study, evaluation
• Schedule time for things you tend to avoid
• Respond rather than react to crisis - Your crisis doesn't mandate my crisis

Long-Range Planning & Event Planning outlines - let me know if you want those!

NYWC - Boys Ministry & Reggie Joiner on change

Aaron and I are having a great time at the National Youth Worker's Convention in Cincinnati this weekend. Enjoy some notes from different sessions...

Smash-Mouth Youth Ministry: Building a Youth Ministry for Boys

True self vs. false self

• Our false self is born when we believe other's opinions and then live by those
• This is especially true and tough for guys
• The false self is created out of fear and insecurity
• It's a defense against pain
• So we invent a new self that everyone will admire and nobody will know
• Every boy is faced with the idea of developing a false self of who they are
• Guys need role models who tell them something positive and encouraging every time they're together
• Wild at Heart: The true test of a man starts when he can't rely on what he's used all his life - the real journey begins when the false self fails

Practical Ideas

• Storytelling - share your story with your boys
• Principle of Descent (John the Baptist principle): The only way to real freedom is to give your life away - but it takes humility & transparency
• Have dads write letters to their sons and give them out on a retreat
• Speak words of affirmation to guys - identify their positive traits

Reggie Joiner

1) People change when the pain associated with the status quo becomes greater than the pain associated with the change

• When we build, create or design something, we think it should last longer than it does - we think there's no expiration date on our ideas & opinions
• If I want to build something that lasts, I have to be willing to change what I build
• Example of first Mac computer in 1985

2) The best way to keep a team moving forward toward your mission is to frequently upgrade your systems

• We can't see the end product from where we are but we're driven by the mission
• Every time we sit down to talk about what needs improvement, we're reminding ourselves of the mission

3) Every change gives you an opportunity to distinguish between what is core and what is cultural

• Define what is core and never changes vs. what is cultural and has an expiration date
• Allows us to debate, dialogue and discuss without splitting
• Often we take something that is cultural and treat it as if its core
• Jesus Christ is core > midweek services are cultural
• Bible is core > Sunday School is cultural
• Corporate worship is core > Organ and praise bands are cultural
• As a leader when talking about change, we can help people decide what's core and then discuss the cultural issues that have an expiration date

4) When you don't upgrade the system, you lose your capacity to support a more relevant approach

• It took 80 upgrades in 20+ years and 60 different computers between the 1985 Mac and the MacBook Air
• We have a new great idea and put it in a system that hasn't been upgraded
• Relevant just means connecting to the matter at hand
• We take an eternal concept and help someone see how it would make sense in their world
• Jesus was relevant: he came as a Hebrew man in a time when they were oppressed so Jesus could show them how God would act
• We don't make Jesus relevant, he already is
• Our job is to not get stuck putting God in a box and presenting God in a way that doesn't connect
• It's like trying to install Photoshop CS 4 on a 1985 Mac
• There's a reason we can't just add something and expect it to work

5) Effective organizations create a culture that is intentional about upgrading critical systems

• System that connects leaders to each other
• System that we use to communicate truth
• We have 40 hours a year with a teenager to tell them everything they need to know about God and faith - they spend 400 hours/year on video games
• We're convinced that what moved me should move them
• System for how we partner with parents
• It's easy to get trapped in the myth that the family is broken and I can fix what the parent can't fix
• Help strengthen the entire family
• Parents DO HAVE spiritual influence in their teen's lives
• They spend 3,000 hours/year with their parents
• Encourage parents that they're still influential, not to disengage, learn how to redefine their relationship with their teen
• System for how you build relationships between teens & leaders
• Parents can't do this alone
• Teens often really hear something from a trusted adult who's not the parent
• System that mobilizes teens to serve
• We often treat youth ministry as a spectator sport
• Reorganize ministry so teens are serving
• Mission trips were transformational for us, why wouldn't they be for teens?
• We can tell them all the time they're significant, but until we give them something significant to do, they won't get it
• Instead of defining success by numbers, define it by what % are serving

more coming soon... :) I know you're waiting on pins and needles ;)

an 8th grader's goals for a relationship with God

In the short time I've been hanging out with teens at Stillwater, I've learned how interesting it is to try to measure spiritual growth. Are the things we put all our time and effort in showing up as growth in children, teens and adults?

The more realistic revelation is understanding our place in the seed planting process. I'll get to see spiritual growth in some teens. I'm deeply thankful for those moments. But here's the kicker...I'm getting to see spiritual growth because several people invested in this teen long before I got to hang out with them.

For others, their contact with our church is the first time they'll hear that God is crazy in love with them. A pastor in 10 years might get to see major spiritual growth in that person.

I think this is one of the subtle awkward truths of ministry. We can't will growth to happen. But we sure work like we can. We should simply love people, give them resources & practices to connect with God, listen, tell the truth of the Gospel and care for them. Then we watch the Trinity go to town. I want to live my life in such a way that I constantly remember my place in the process.

All that to say I wanted to share something cool with you. :)

One of our 8th graders texted me last night saying she had a list of goals for her relationship with God. This wasn't something I challenged her to do. Made this list on her own...

Goals for My Relationship with God

• To spend more time with God in general
• To totally devote my life to God
• Sometimes I feel like I only have a relationship with God because He's my ticket out of Hell and into Heaven. I don't want to be like that at all. I want to be in a relationship with God because He can use me as a witness and can make my life sooo much better.
• I want to have a fair, unselfish relationship with God. I do NOT want God to be like my good luck charm that I only have contact with when I need something or have a problem. I want Him to be my BEST friend that I go to with everything. I want to crave conversations with God.
• I want to be totally focused on God and make decision based on what He thinks
• I want to start praying every night again before I go to bed
• I want to start reading the Bible daily. There's so much that I don't know about it
• I want my life to totally revolve around God instead of myself

Celebrate the life situations where you see God at work. The more we tell those stories, the more we're aware that God is present in more situations than we ever thought.

I am the pastor's robe

I'm finally going through the six bookcases of books I own. By the encouragement of my husband, I've got to get rid of some of them. :) I came across a book I didn't know I owned: Courageous Spirit: Voices from Women in Ministry. I flipped through it and landed on this story below. I have yet to wear a robe in ministry but this story still spoke deeply to my soul.

I am the pastor's robe. I hang on the office door amidst stoles, crosses, and bubble necklaces. I see her furrowed brow as she types at her computer. I see her laughing on the phone. I see her crying, bent forward in her chair as emotions gush forth from her depths.

I am the pastor's robe. I listen to meetings she holds with other people. I hear her strategize, think creatively, be funny. I hear her reflect the feelings of others. I hear her miss the point, get defensive. I hear her listening. I hear her regroup. I hear her relax, be playful. I hear how hard she is trying; I hear how hard she can be.

I am the pastor's robe. On Sundays she puts me on. I feel her weariness, her excitement. I feel her mustering courage, will, hope. I feel her love for others coming through me. I feel her fear of being hurt, being wrong, being different - and hiding inside me. I feel her forget why she chose this path. I feel her forget she ever doubted it.

I am the pastor's robe. She takes me off. She hangs me back up. I witness a content smile as she remembers the day, a welling in the eyes when she remembers someone's words. She shuts her computer down, grabs her bag, picks up her keys, and turns to me.

She neither wants nor waits, neither wonders nor worries. She simply looks - thinking of the day she got me, imagining the day she'll fold me. She reflects on the day of growing old and smiles, remembering with grace her furrowed brow and her hard efforts. Remembering with amusement her seriousness and anxiety. Smiling with joy, because she never stopped laughing or learning or risking love.

I am the pastor's robe. I am her gown of proclamation, her apron of service, her shield from negative forces, and her gateway to the Spirit. I am the pastor's robe. See how she wears me.

- Crystal R. Sygeel

Pacific Northwest Conference